Self Abandonment and Money

Fear of abandonment, fear of being alone, is a recipe for financial disaster.

Photo by Olga from Pexels

Which at first did not make sense to me because despite being a single mom and despite not getting a dime from my girls’ dad, I did pretty well. I am proud of what I was able to provide for my kids without ever relying on welfare.

However, I worked nonstop. I had 2 jobs and a few small gigs to make the kind of money I made. I was running very dangerously on fumes. And if not for a ski accident on Christmas eve of 2009, who knows where I would be now.

So, obviously, apart from abandonment issues, I had a limiting belief that life was difficult and that I had to work very hard, nonstop, to get what I want.

My clients, not necessarily children of alcoholics, also had money blocks due to childhood abandonment issues. Here’s just a few:

  • Pattern of over-giving to the point of borrowing money for someone else.
  • Pattern of making money then losing it right away.
  • Pattern of rescuing or being rescued financially.
  • Pattern of failed jobs, can’t commit, unable to support self.

These patterns are insidious and runs subconsciously affecting day to day actions.

My parents did their best to empower me all throughout my life. But somewhere along the way, which my guess is started from the birth of my baby brother who is 5 years younger, I created a belief that people leave me. That I am alone. That nobody cares.

And because of the false core belief of I am alone, I created a persona that didn’t need people. While her independence and incredible courage are admirable, her inability to trust people (to stay) will be the downfall of her finances.

She will have a hard time hiring, delegating, or finding business partners, which means she will have to do all the work herself which means burnout or divorce. She wont be a Thismeans her income level is dependent on what she can produce on her own. She is unable to trust people who might want to partner with her and collaborate.

Looking back, it’s interesting to see that the very thing I was most afraid of was exactly what became my reality. A self-fulfilling prophecy. I was unaware that subconsciously I was creating a world where I built a case and proved that I got left behind.

Now the meaning you give your abandonment will differ be exact opposite of mine. You may have experienced being left behind as a kid but your parents fussed over you when they came home from work. So now you are in a pattern of being fussed over or rescued financially.

What’s your limiting story, belief, or decision? How is it affecting your money thermometer? Are you getting the correlation between money and fear of abandonment?

How about fear that money will run out?

Or blaming God for abandoning you?

Or you are filling the hole of abandonment with connection to people by using money to get significance and attention by lending or borrowing money.

What role do you play when it comes to money? Are you the superhero? Give, give, give, give? Or are you the victim? Take, take, take, take.

And what role does money play in your life? Is it to perpetuate your limiting beliefs and abandonment issues? Or to serve you to help fulfill what you came here to do?

I am interested in finding out! Email me to further break it down at a money breakthrough session. Email me at tess@tessvergara.com