Why your sister can’t be your coach

I love my sisters to death. My brothers, too, but they don’t like to talk much. But there were times I did not feel safe sharing my deepest thoughts with them. As second to the youngest of six, they had a way of telling me to shut up or not think a certain way because they’re older and they know better.

So yesterday when my sister called me up to ask how I was doing, I hesitated for a bit, but decided I felt safe to open up and talk about what’s REALLY going on.

The thing with awareness is…

I found out the other night I have a lump in my left breast. But instead of worrying about it, I was surprised to observe this thought that welcomed it.

An old familiar voice asked: What is the point of continuing to live with this continuous struggle?

Me: What struggle? Everything is looking up. I am in the vortex. I’m unstoppable. I’m loving life.

Old familiar voice asked again:  Oh yeah? But isn’t dying what you always wanted?

Hmmmm… I was taken aback. It brought me back to the dark nights when all I prayed for was to die. I wasn’t suicidal. But I asked God to take me, or take away the pain. He took the pain away.

So why is this coming up again?

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I was sharing this with my sister and asked her: So why would God take the pain away, make my life better only to allow a lump grow in my breast? It doesn’t make sense. And why die from breast cancer? If I have to die, why not get hit by a bus?

And at this point of the phone call, my sister yelled at me. Oh she really yelled at me.

And that’s why your sister can’t be your coach. Sisters yell. Coaches don’t. At least I don’t. I mean, not at my clients 🙂

I’m teasing my sister of course.

But people do clam up for fear of judgment, domination or rejection. A loved one’s feedback may come across like blame, shame or criticism which may or may not have been intended depending on your emotional state, receptivity and interpretation. So for some, it feels safer to stay in protective mode and not fully open and express their thoughts and true feelings.

All communication is either a loving response or a cry for help. ~Anthony Robbins

And I admittedly was not always in the proper frame of mind to receive well meaning and positive intent. I was in a reactionary pattern in the past and had lashed out one too many times.

And to my sister’s defense, I was deliberately being obstinate. And she knew it. And she loves me anyway. How else do I get attention being the second youngest? Ha! 🙂

The thing with awareness is…

It’s just a lump, you drama queen! You haven’t even been to the doctor. Oh come on. Let’s just play pretend. What if it is cancer? What if you only had a month to live? Didn’t you want to die? Insisted the bothersome thought.

I was not coming from a place of depression or helplessness. I was more like… intrigued… simply observing. I no longer identified with the story. There was no emotional charge. Yet, the pattern was ready and waiting for me to step back into had it not been for awareness.

I decided my old story needed a final decree of divorce or proper burial. Heck, both!

It freaked out my sister a little bit that I was chasing death and talking nonsense. And I told her that is exactly why we were talking about it. It needed to be released out into the open… dark into light. It’s nothing shameful. They are just thoughts. And by openly talking about it, not only do I gain clarity and enlightenment, it most importantly loses power over me.

And as far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being. ~Carl Jung

One day I will look back to this insight and connect it with another higher insight. Just like one day, a few years back, when I learned Eckhart Tolle had suicidal thoughts as early as age 9. Boy was I excited I emailed my sisters immediately!

I blocked most memories from childhood but as a young kid, I cried myself to sleep a lot. I may have been younger than nine.I remember talking to God, questioning my existence and praying to die. When I woke up, I’d already forgotten what I was crying about.

It was such an emotional release to realize I was not the only one who had disturbing thoughts at age 9. And Eckhart? Wow!!!

The thing with awareness is…

What a lightbulb moment! That was key to root out the root of my behavioral pattern.

The day I learned Eckhart Tolle was suicidal at 9 years old was the day I said goodbye to depression. I came to understand that my default, unconscious, automatic thinking of “Lord, please, I just want to die “ was a pattern that stemmed from a limited perception of a nine year old.

The thing with awareness is…

And now, another awakening moment! The lump in my breast means… that on some unconscious level, I am still taking myself, my body, my purpose, and my life for granted to some degree.

In a brief moment of weakness, I looked to my husband, daughter and my freaked out sister 🙂 for reassurance and reinforcement.

Then I said thank you to my nine year old self. She was just alone and scared. And today she and I are in sync and vibrant and alive and excited to claim life and say out loud to the whole wide world that YES! I AM GRATEFUL FOR THIS BREATH OF LIFE! AND YES I WANT TO LIVE. 

I am riding the waves and giving it all I’ve got to realize my highest potential and serve my life’s purpose just as God intended it for me.

The thing with awareness is you go beyond thinking.

Thoughts are just thoughts. It is not who you are. Try it. Observe behavioral patterns and become acutely aware of old limiting thoughts, conditioning and beliefs. Consciously replace them with new, empowering thoughts and beliefs, your own this time, your own conscious choice, and align them powerfully with your goals, values, actions to start a new way of being and create your own reality.

The thing with awareness is you become awareness itself…

Higher awareness holds incredible strength and power to create your destiny and be who you want to be. In that awareness, you are the creator, the master of your fate, the captain of your soul.

Awareness is the power that is concealed within the present moment. … The ultimate purpose of human existence, which is to say, your purpose, is to bring that power into this world.  ~ Eckhart TolleA New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose

I hope you enjoyed and got some value out of my personal breakthroughs. Please share with me your lightbulb moments. I would love to hear them and celebrate with you.

Oh and… if your sister, family member or friend has been coaching you, reach out and get a second opinion 🙂

Connect with me and schedule a complimentary coaching consultation.

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Sending you much love and blessings,