Wow, where to start?
I haven’t been blogging a lot. Or at all. I’ve kept a lot inside really focusing on connecting with my inner strength, or strengthening my deeper connection. I had to let go of all the outside voices, noises, the seductive come-hither of the shiny, materialistic world, and just shut them all down.
The year prior, 2015, was quite an intense year spiritually speaking. I came face to face with, breathed as one with, all the while marvelously experiencing and expressing the very presence of Presence itself when I said goodbye to my old environment.
The lure of seeing new places, at the same time dealing with a lot of unknowns, were both shocking and liberating to my system. It was like being simultaneously dipped into fire and then lifted up to the highest height and then dunked again, each time fighting for air yet also breathing new life.
Each round faster and faster, over and over, twisting and turning, unraveling, unlayering, unbecoming…deconstructing and renewing happening all at the same time, until I fully let go and lose all grip on what I once believed was my reality…
I was left standing in my own nakedness to my most real, most raw, most vulnerable, yet also most powerful and invincible that I can be… so I can just be… to finally become the being I was meant to be…
Stripped down to the very essence, this feeling of finally belonging yet feeling absolutely free, is what I had been yearning for, what had been calling to me, my whole life long. The most authentic and truest version of who I really am… right here… inside… right now… in my core.
“As you dissolve into love, your ego fades. You’re not thinking about loving; you’re just being love, radiating like the sun.”
— Ram Dass
The energy of 2016 came with a different flavor. It was a year of faithfully staying true to this core… To my soul… To my commitment – Freedom, Awakening, Enlightenment.
The only words that made sense anymore were –
Divinity in Action
2016 wasn’t the time to push and furiously make things happen, I couldn’t even if I wanted to… after all, I was programmed so badly to push, push, and push and make things happen.
But 2016 was a different kind of lesson… It was more about managing, mastering, my own vibration… not by doing but by radiating that surge of power I found already within… and vibrate higher, and even higher still…
Spirit had me deep in stillness, in beingness, in the fullness of allowing, and trusting, and opening to ease and effortlessness of Divine Grace. It was a totally foreign concept yet it was home on so many levels, so deeply familiar yet all so brand new.
I had no words to articulate any of my weird comings and goings. Which is why I put the pen down, figuratively. I wrote… a lot… just didn’t have the impulse or need to explain or share what I was going through with anyone. For how can I articulate what I myself didn’t understand.
It simply just was… a continual sweet release and surrender… and being fully filled.. full-fill… just like the breath… it was a full cycle, a natural rhythm… a life of its own… no efforting required… simply an allowing for the very breath to breathe me… and flow thru, in me, as me.
I found that what I had been writing, which I thought was my book, was really more for my edification and enlightenment And when I finally did receive the impulse to share my journey, oh boy, was the energy furious, undeniable and unmistakable.
It was like creation wanting to birth and complete itself. A whole new level of creativity and excitement filled me.
The past couple of months was intensely poured rewriting my book – FEARLESS LOVE: Unlocking the Power of the Heart. I had to start from scratch to capture this new energy in all its rawness and power that had been slowly incubating and growing and now ready to be birthed.
The book writing, on it’s own, has been truly cathartic and transformative. It was an added layer and depth as well as a new lens with which to reveiw and look into my life revealing more and more unraveling, unlayering, unbecoming, deeper and deeper layers and dimensions now connecting the many dots firing up, lighting up my whole being.
What I found truly mesmerizing and mind blowing is/was watching serendipity and synchronicity in constant play. I look back at the perfection of Divine Order always unfolding, always correcting, always inviting, yet always waiting for our free will activation, and yet always, always, always happening in Divine Right Timing in accordance with the perfection of Divine Plan. No words. Simply in awe of the magnificence of it all.
Oh it wasn’t all bliss… there were moments of terror… of feeling cutoff from the world that I knew and loved… of feeling so separate… a stranger, even in my own body…. only to have deeper insights, higher realization, fuller expression hit me each time I successfully ride the waves and not hit the panic button.
It was the absolute and highest form of self-trust, self-love, self-acceptance, self-worth, self-forgiveness… an epic love story… feeling thoroughly and utterly loved even in the stormiest of all storms… the human and divine in me merging as one…
2016 was the year I’d truly seen the light and simultaneously become the light, just as I’ve felt incredibly loved and have become love itself.
Thank you, 2016, for this metamorphosis. I had waited my whole life for this.
When I myself a promise before that I will be “settled” when I’m 50, I had no idea it was loaded with profundity. Amazing to look back and connect the dots and see how we truly create our reality. The unspoken desires… The truth underneath it all.
Now I am ready to fly.
Awake, Alive, Audacious