A friend and fellow coach posted on Facebook how for 5 days she admired and just watched people go parasailing and she just knew she will regret not ever trying it. So she made a decision to breakthrough her fear of heights and deep water. Her fear felt real until she made a decision to take back her power.
I was so inspired by her story that I was reminded of my own forgotten fear of deep water.
About 5 years ago, I went to learn scuba diving in a local indoor pool. I was excited and I listened to the instructions and descended with the others. However, I panicked. My body froze up and contracted. So I retreated.
I felt unable to breathe even with the oxygen mask on. Two thoughts came to mind. First, I couldn’t believe that I actually forgot about my fear of deep water. What was I thinking? What a waste of time, money and effort. Second, I gave up and decided it was not meant to be.
I am amazed to see how fear easily convinced me to give up my power. It is interesting that it is once again showing up in my awareness. I am given this gift, this opportunity to reclaim my power.
This time, I can make a conscious decision whether or not to accept my fate that I will never scuba dive or challenge the fear and see it for what it is – merely an illusion I unknowingly created as a protective mechanism whenever I feel unsupported.
Like my friend, I promised myself 18 years ago that I will never, ever, EVER give in to fear. After my ex-husband’s foiled attempt to kidnap my children, I spent a couple of years trapped in paranoia, always on guard, always watching over my shoulder.
Until I said, ENOUGH!
I am the master of my fate, the creator of my destiny.
So today, I decided to take one-on-one scuba diving lessons, when I go to Hawaii in September, for as long as it would take to recondition my body not to freeze and contract, and learn to relax and expand, and release my fear of deep water.
A client asked me this week, how do you do it?
How do you not give in to fear?
How do you not contract and get all wound up and defensive when you feel nobody cares and everyone has left you. Or when all of a sudden you feel attacked or betrayed or you feel the whole world is out to get you?
How do you not go into victim and survival mode when there are bills to pay and not a whole lot of money and not a whole lot of people wanting to help? Or after investing all your time, energy and money, you helplessly watch your dreams shatter to pieces.
How do you do risk going against your own mind when every inch of you cries the pain from same old tired disappointment, resentment and frustration?
How do you not get hurt? How do you not self-protect? How do you not get defensive or want to punch somebody?
How do you not fear rejection, failure, success, the unknown, and most of all, how do you face the fear of not being worthy or good enough?
By being present with yourself. With ALL of YOU.
- By not leaving any part of you behind.
- By not sweeping emotions under the rug and pretend there’s nothing wrong.
- By getting real curious how you really feel.
- By being brutally honest with yourself on what you really want, not what others want.
- By loving, accepting, approving and embracing all of you: the good, the bad, and most especially the ugly parts you spend a lot of energy to hide and conceal.
- By inviting back and integrating the parts you numbed out, repressed, disowned or judge
It’s time to become whole and come in alignment with the deepest truth of who you really are. It’s time to dismantle the lies and deep seated patterns you believed or perceived as true your whole life.
As children, we developed a false self which, in order to cope, belong, gain approval, and to some, to simply survive and stay alive, followed us into adulthood. For some, myself included, we decided at a very early age to limit or deny our authentic self expression because it was not safe. If we are “bad” we will be punished and won’t be loved.
And even when you were fortunate to have great parents, no matter how much they loved you, they have qualities you either were attracted to and kept, or moved away from and never ever be that.
Whatever identity we consciously or unconsciously decided to be at a young age served us immensely to become the person we have become. However that is not the whole truth of who we are. Not even close.
Hence the void. Emptiness. Feeling unfulfilled.
You’ve been living a fragmented, limited version of your limitless potential. There is so much more in you wanting to emerge and be set free so you can fulfill your deepest calling and everything you ever envisioned yourself to be.
Defending and refusing to let go of your false identity, keeps you trapped, incomplete and feeling like a fraud. No matter what you do and how hard you try, if you are not embracing and fully expressing all of you, you will perpetuate a life of struggle and resistance.
This is all happening outside of conscious awareness. Yet at some point we become aware of the void and patterns of self sabotage. And even when we willfully bulldoze into changing, the resistance only gets stronger making it difficult to part with that familiar old self.
It is important to be really gentle with yourself and practice extreme self-care and self-compassion when you feel this tug of war within yourself.
Say to yourself: no matter how difficult and confusing it all seems, no matter how helpless and powerless I feel, I deeply and unconditionally love, approve and accept myself.
The resistance creates a huge inner conflict and struggle. For who would you be without your story? Inasmuch as it hurts to stay the same, it’s comfortable and familiar compared to the fear of the vast unknown.
Except… we’re wired to grow and evolve. When we don’t grow, we die.
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
And as long as you are not stepping up and stepping in to the deepest truth of who you really are… as long as you are not embracing the fullness and wholeness of your being… you are self abandoning and you will continue to create a reality that pushes you so that you fight back.
You will continue to invite people, places and events that will mirror back your deepest fears and frustrations and will keep pushing your buttons and poke at your pain until you find the strength within you to say:
I am ready to step up, show up and fully step into my fullest expression and authentic power.
I will no longer be run by my fear-driven, fragmented, limited, small version of myself.
Then feel your whole being expand and open up. Feel the weight and tension leave your body. And feel the lightness and openness and a newfound ability to receive and tap into higher and higher and limitless possibilities.
Fear and contraction blocks your ability to fully receive greater love, joy, abundance and health.
Your True and Unique Self lifts you up to an expanded state where you can powerfully create a deeply fulfilling life on your terms and by your design.
If you are ready to break free from the reins of fear and self sabotage and would like some support to take back your power and transform your life, I would love to help. Click here to schedule a free 45 minute Get Unstuck Consultation or email me at Tess@openheartmindcoaching.com.
Awake, Alive, Audacious.